We all have our stories. As long as you deny yours, healing and wellness remains in checkmate. Family addiction will always tempt you to point fingers, assess damage, blame the one addicted for how you feel. Always.
Personal sharing: I didn't know I was holding onto my own story those many moons ago. I knew my heart was confused, sad, fearful and blaming. It was my father's story or my husband's story or my mother-in-law's story...how could it become my OWN story? Defenses began to crumble while I sat in a therapist's office reading aloud an Unsent Letter to my father. I looked up and my therapist had tears in her eyes. That's when I realized I had a story. And healing commenced.
Find someone who will hold emotional space for you. Spill your thoughts and feelings. Let your defenses break into tiny pieces. Stop blaming the one who is impaired. Learn about addiction. Learn how to navigate yourself around all the messes created by the addict/alcoholic and do your own work of healing. Spiritual wellness takes effort. Blame, anger and fear are calls to learn deeply about your own path, your own heart, your own God. Don't leave healing your story up to someone else.
Doing your own work does not necessitate divorcing your spouse or abandoning your adult child. It does, however, necessitate you coming to grips with the need to change how you relate to life. Your life. Not the addict's.