We begin to heal when we acknowledge our pain. And rest assured if you love someone who is addicted, your heart will be sore if not all the way broken. And you will seek answers. “How will this ever end?” “How do I know we’ll all survive this?”
No one can predict the outcome of family addiction so reassurances are hard to come by. I’ve witnessed many “stories” that seemed improbable to mend on the addict/alcoholic’s side as well as on the family side and have been proven wrong many times. There is no one-size-fits-all-family recovery process, but you do need to find a way out of the web created by the one addicted. As long as you hold secrets of the addict, as long as your mind denies what it sees and your heart denies what it feels, nothing changes, and your world stays wounded.
Your best bet is to reach outside that crazy system, approach others in Al-Anon, read all the material you can find, and/or locate a therapist to help you sort through the muddle of what you can heal and what you need to grieve and let go of.
And there’s the spiritual component. My personal belief system holds grace as that unmerited divine assistance available for us all and that our suffering is eased when we stop trying to carry the whole crazy world on our backs. As you suffer over a loved one’s choices to continue use despite all evidence that addiction is paving his way, you will be presented many opportunities to change your path. Grace is ever present and waiting for our cries of PLEASE HELP ME!
Struggling through the pain, confusion and that heightened need to hurry-up-and-do-something-about-the-one addicted will bring you to your knees and to the doorstep of accepting what is real: that you have control over very little. Your best help comes when you surrender your need to FIX the other when you stand with arms outstretched and your heart open to receive help to change the way you navigate your codependent journey.
Don’t hide from your healing. Don’t try and outrun grace. Step up and do the work you are being invited to do. There are so many of us willing to help you create your healing path.